Gnomish Workshop: Oathbreaking
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Sixty Six on 19 May 2021. Lennon: All right, I’ve got it! Ryu: For the last time, you cannot make a flumph your patron. Lennon: No, no, no, I’ve got all that sorted. See, I’m just going to ignore my patron. Ostron: I’m sorry, what? Lennon: Yeah. See, I’ve been looking into it and, as far as I can tell, there’s no downside. Ostron: How is that possible? Your patron is why you have all your abilities. Don’t they go away? Lennon: Nope. Ryu: Well that’s not fair; Paladins and Clerics have to follow their god and everything or they get slapped, why do you get a free pass? Lennon: Actually, they don’t have to do anything either. The premise behind Clerics, Paladins, and Warlocks in lore is that their power is not their own. Where Alchemists, Wizards, eldritch knights, and arcane tricksters study to learn magic, druids and rangers draw from…
Wisdom of the Masters: Whyfor The Locked Door?
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Sixty Five on 12 May 2021. Ryu: Aaaand done. Vault is open, all of the treasures are mine, I win again. Lennon (sighing): Well so much for the vaunted house of Kundark. You’re fired, by the way. (angry dwarf sounds) Ryu: I do feel kind of bad; I hope it wasn’t too expensive to bring him in from Eberron? Lennon: Oh what does it matter, you would have stolen the gold anyway. I just…I mean what’s the point of having a vault if you can just break into it so easily? Ryu: I’m sorry, easily? How long have I been down here? Lennon: So what? You can still get through the door. Ryu: Yeah but the beholders are a pain. Lennon: What beholders? Ostron: The research beholders. I have one of them checking the vault every fifteen minutes to make sure Ryu isn’t breaking in. Lennon: But…then why do we bother with…
Archives of Candlekeep: Daddy Daughter Date
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Sixty on 7 April 2021. Lennon: Hey Ostron, I’m confused about something. Ostron: And in other news, the sun came up this morning. Lennon: What? Ostron: Never mind, what’s confusing you? Lennon: Archdevils. Ryu: Well you’re doing okay then, usually they just kill you or trap you in a deal to steal your soul. Lennon: No I haven’t talked to any of them, I’m doing research. Ostron: We put that research project on hold, I thought? Lennon: Yeah, this was for…personal reasons. Ryu: Oh come on, you’ve had a patron for like five minutes and you’re already shopping around? For an Archdevil patron? Lennon: You are making a lot of unwarranted and unfavorable assumptions about me and I don’t feel that’s fair. Ryu: Am I wrong? Lennon: That’s…look I didn’t want to discuss that anyway. Phlegethos. Ostron: Fourth layer of the Hells, lots of fire, some of it semi-sentient, devil resort town, also the hells’ version of…
Archives of Candlekeep: Actual Forgotten Realms: Al Qadim
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Fifty Eight on 24 March 2021. Lennon: There you are! Ostron, I need some teleportation. Ostron: Um, that’s not a spell you can use as a Warlock…I mean you’ve got thunder step but that’s not quite- Lennon: No, no, no, I need you to teleport me somewhere. Al Qadim, specifically. Ryu: I’m probably going to regret this but why? Lennon: Well, I’m trying to explore this alternative patron idea, and I know genies are an option. I hear there are a lot of genies in Al Qadim. Ostron: Umm…yeah, I might need some help with this. Libby: Book! Ostron (coughing): oh..okay…wow that’s a dusty one. Thanks Libby. Ah, yeah, I see your problem. There isn’t a place called Al Qadim. Lennon: Um, I’m pretty sure there is. I know I’ve heard about it. Ostron: Yeah, that’s sort of the problem; you’ve only heard about it and you don’t know the details. To be…
Unearthed Mundana: What’s In A Stat?
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Fifty Seven on 17 March 2021. Ryu: Oh dear. Did someone fall off their mount in the market again? Lennon: What? No, I was giving a speech down in the village. It…wasn’t well received. Ryu: Well, I mean, your Charisma score is only what now, 15? You aren’t going to be able to work miracles with that. Ostron: Actually, with a crowd of bystanders that should have been more than fine. Ryu: How? A 15 is middle of the road; it’s what you have in a stat that you might use later and you want to just be okay with now. Ostron: That’s for adventurers. If you’re comparing them with common folk, he is way beyond them. Ryu: Okay, I’m confused. Lennon: Well, I’ll use my new charisma score to explain it to you. Most players and even DMs who play D&D tend to consider ability scores in the context…
Wisdom of the Masters: Managing NPCs
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Fifty Six on 10 March 2021. Libby (indignantly): Book! Lennon: Come on, it’s just a little sign, it can go on, what about that eyestalk? Ryu: Lennon, what are you doing to Libby? Lennon: Well…look, we have like seven research beholders around the Guild House, right? Ostron: Twelve. Lennon: Twelve!? Aw man, now I need more signs. Ryu: Signs…for the research beholders? Lennon: Yeah, I can’t keep them straight. I see one floating around and I’m never sure if it’s the one that I asked for the reference book to help with the show notes or the one I told to make me a sandwich. Ostron: Okay, I’ll grant you that telling the beholders apart is a bit tricky but do you really need to identify all of them? And Libby’s pretty distinctive anyway. Lennon: So you’re okay with unlabeled characters just running around? Ryu (shrugging): I like chaos. Then again, that’s not for everyone.…
Archives of Candlekeep: Take It In Strahd
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Fifty Five on 3 March 2021. Ryu: Okay, I realize the whole warlock thing is hitting you hard but this is too far. Lennon: What? Capes are cool, they should really make a comeback. Ryu: I’m fine with the cape, it’s the grey face paint and the red contacts. Isn’t that racist or something? Ostron: Against who? Grimlocks? They don’t generally raise objections in civil court. Ryu: All right fine, So why are you going all Dracula? It’s nowhere near Halloween. Lennon: Well, I figured new class, new Identity, and everyone thinks vampires are cool. Especially this one. Ostron: Which one? Lennon: Come on, I really tried with the makeup here. Guy in a castle? Unrequited love? Dark Lord? Ryu: I’m sorry, you’re trying to impersonate Strahd!? Lennon: There you go! Ostron: That…okay there are so many ways that’s a bad idea I don’t know where to start. Lennon: Oh come on. Look I did a…
Wisdom of the Masters: Zero Triggers
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Fifty Four on 24 February 2021. Lennon: No, I’m not doing it. Ostron: Look, we all understand you’re having issues with the transition but the reality is that your new…condition…changes things. Lennon: See, I don’t feel like it does, and I don’t want people acting like it does, if it’s all the same to you. Ostron: Fine, fine, we’ll…work around it. Ryu: Ostron? Ostron: Yes? Ryu: I have a problem with your plan. Ostron: Apparently you need to get in line. Ryu: I’m sorry? Ostron: Sorry, yes, what is it? Ryu: You want me to, and I’m quoting here, “catch the guard captain’s interest socially and ply him for information using feminine wiles.” Ostron: Yes? Ryu: I’m not really comfortable with what you’re implying here. Ostron: You’ve done that sort of thing before. Ryu: Because it was legitimately necessary! I’m a rogue! They’re the captain of the guard for an actual lich king. What’s wrong with torture? Ostron: I’m assuming…
Gnomish Workshop: Rolling Initiative
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Fifty Three on 17 February 2021. Lennon: Oh good, Ostron. I have some questions for you. Ostron: I did not tell the beholders to do that to your bed, you brought that on yourself. Lennon: No, It’s fine, the squeezing effect actually helps with lumbar support when I’m sleeping. Ryu: Um…what? Lennon: No, my question’s about time. Ostron: Why are you suddenly interested in that? Lennon: Well I was in a game yesterday and there was this scene going on in the middle of a mansion with all the characters spread out. The players said they were getting confused and I thought “Should I have them roll initiative? But they aren’t in combat. Is that allowed?” Ostron (yawning): Oh…that’s…an interesting subject actually- Ryu: Here, drink this. Ostron: What is it- Ryu (hurrying): Just drink it! All of it, down the hatch. Ostron: Okay….blech, ugh (coughing) wow. Um, that was gross. What was that? And why…
Archives of Candlekeep: Mephistopheles — A Psychological Study
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Fifty One on 3 February 2021. ROSTRO: Please state the nature of the mathematical inquiry. Killer DM (fondly): I was wondering if you were going to start humming and bring a smile to my face. How are you? ROSTRO: Operational efficiency is at 120%. It appears that Ostron was interrupted in recent exploratory efforts. Killer DM: Yes, well, he was fiddling with the hat and I just got suspicious so I figured knocking him out was a good first step and then I rounded up the usual suspect to figure out what’s going on. Now, be a good limey and tell me what’s going on here. Lennon (muffled response): Mmmph mrrfle mnng. ROSTRO: There appears to be a foreign object interfering with the operation of his maxillofacial musculature. Killer DM: Hm? Oh the gag, right, that would probably make this easier. There we go. Okay, now, how are you?…