Category Archives: Wisdom of the Masters

This article was first broadcast in Episode Two Hundred and Twenty Eight on 2nd November 2022. Note: This article was adapted from an episode script, and so there may be parts that don’t flow well when read, because they were initially designed for broadcast. The heroes being captured is a fairly common trope in most adventure stories. Princess Leia on the death star, Merry and Pippin in Lord of the Rings, the dwarves in The Hobbit, or James Bond…practically always. It’s usually used in the story to present an immediate problem for the heroes to overcome, and to showcase their capability when they don’t have all their resources or weapons available. It’s also sometimes used as a way to move the plot forward; either a villain will monologue at the heroes and divulge their plan for ultimate domination, or the heroes come across vital pieces of information while imprisoned, either…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode Two Hundred and One on 3rd March 2022. Lennon: All right, I’ve gathered you all here because I’m afraid we have to let something go. Ostron: Okay, first of all there’s only myself and Ryu, and I’m not 100% sure Ryu’s not an HR clone, so it may just be the two of us. Lennon: How do you know I’m not an HR clone? Ryu: I’m pretty sure HR would not allow anything associated with it to start off with an idea that’s this silly. Lennon: I haven’t even told you what it is yet! Ostron: Your track record is not encouraging. For the sake of argument, though, lay it out for us. Lennon: Right, so the guild house has too many rooms. We need to get rid of two of them. Ostron: And we’re done here. Ryu: Hang on, hang on let’s…give…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Eighty Eight on 10th November 2021. Lennon: Okay, so I don’t think Acererak needs gold…his house is already pretty impressive… Ryu: What are you doing? Lennon: Oh don’t bother; you can’t help me. Ostron: Well I’m still not opening a portal to the nine hells for you so you may as well see what she’s got to offer. Ryu: Standing right here guys. Lennon: Fine. I’m trying to figure out how to DM and roleplay the big bad for my campaign. They’re supposed to be super intelligent and I’m…less so. Ryu: Are you saying I’m too dumb to help? Lennon: No, but I mean if you need to DM an evil person you just put on the hat and stop worrying about it. Ryu” Well as much as I love her, KayDee sometimes is…less gentle with people than I’d prefer. I have to DM evil masterminds just as much as you do.…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Seventy Two on 7 July 2021. Lennon: Okay, so I’ve called everyone together to discuss protocol. Ryu: Stop worrying; I donate all of your gold to charity. Ostron: I don’t think a Gold Fund Me titled “Ryu needs a dragon” counts as charity. Ryu: I have a totally legitimate parchment from the local king saying it does. Lennon (legitimately confused): Not what we’re talking about. I just…I don’t know I just have this nagging sense that if we get a dangerously powerful artifact in here we need to have a plan for how to deal with it. Ostron: I’m on board with this. Ryu: No, I’m still confused. What kind of dangerous artifacts are we talking about? Okay, so most veteran DMs have dealt with this scenario before: somehow, some way, the players have acquired an item or ability that has turned the power curve into a vertical wall. Whether…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Sixty Eight on 9 July 2021. Ryu (attacking): All right, hands up and drop everything you’re carrying or I’ll paint the walls with…oh. Hi Tony. Tony (nervously): Hi…is there a reason I was almost murdered? Ryu: I just thought you were staying in the recording booth. Confused you with someone else. Tony: Don’t tell me who they are. I probably already know too much. Also, how did you sneak up on me like that? Ostron: How high is your wisdom score? Tony: You don’t get to be a good lawyer if you can’t spot people lying through their teeth, eyes, or whatever other body part and I’m a pretty good lawyer. Ryu: Okay, so your perception is probably good too, but I mean…I’ve got the carpeting in the recording booth, all the ambient noise around, and of course there’s the hallways. Tony: What hallways? Ryu: Exactly. Tony: I’m lost. Ryu: No you aren’t. Tony: I…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Sixty Five on 12 May 2021. Ryu: Aaaand done. Vault is open, all of the treasures are mine, I win again. Lennon (sighing): Well so much for the vaunted house of Kundark. You’re fired, by the way. (angry dwarf sounds) Ryu: I do feel kind of bad; I hope it wasn’t too expensive to bring him in from Eberron? Lennon: Oh what does it matter, you would have stolen the gold anyway. I just…I mean what’s the point of having a vault if you can just break into it so easily? Ryu: I’m sorry, easily? How long have I been down here? Lennon: So what? You can still get through the door. Ryu: Yeah but the beholders are a pain. Lennon: What beholders? Ostron: The research beholders. I have one of them checking the vault every fifteen minutes to make sure Ryu isn’t breaking in. Lennon: But…then why do we bother with…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Sixty Two on 21 April 2021. Lennon: Really? You know I thought we were on the same page with this kind of thing but noooooo. Ostron: Look, it’s like I said, the best information comes from experts and…well… Killer DM: Aww, here I was hoping ROSTRO and I could get a little study session in but it’s just you two. I suppose I should have been suspicious when Ryu found the hat just sitting on her desk. Ostron: Yeah, ROSTRO isn’t being used right now – Killer DM: Of course not; I’m talking to you. Ostron: What? Killer DM: Never mind. So I assume you aren’t here to voluntarily donate kidneys? Ostron: No, we wanted to consult you on something. Lennon: No no no, you wanted to consult her on something. Killer DM: Aww, you just wanted to see me for friendship’s sake? I knew we had a connection. Lennon: That’s not – Killer…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Fifty Six on 10 March 2021. Libby (indignantly): Book! Lennon: Come on, it’s just a little sign, it can go on, what about that eyestalk? Ryu: Lennon, what are you doing to Libby? Lennon: Well…look, we have like seven research beholders around the Guild House, right? Ostron: Twelve. Lennon: Twelve!? Aw man, now I need more signs. Ryu: Signs…for the research beholders? Lennon: Yeah, I can’t keep them straight. I see one floating around and I’m never sure if it’s the one that I asked for the reference book to help with the show notes or the one I told to make me a sandwich. Ostron: Okay, I’ll grant you that telling the beholders apart is a bit tricky but do you really need to identify all of them? And Libby’s pretty distinctive anyway. Lennon: So you’re okay with unlabeled characters just running around? Ryu (shrugging): I like chaos. Then again, that’s not for everyone.…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Fifty Four on 24 February 2021. Lennon: No, I’m not doing it. Ostron: Look, we all understand you’re having issues with the transition but the reality is that your new…condition…changes things. Lennon: See, I don’t feel like it does, and I don’t want people acting like it does, if it’s all the same to you. Ostron: Fine, fine, we’ll…work around it. Ryu: Ostron? Ostron: Yes? Ryu: I have a problem with your plan. Ostron: Apparently you need to get in line. Ryu: I’m sorry? Ostron: Sorry, yes, what is it? Ryu: You want me to, and I’m quoting here, “catch the guard captain’s interest socially and ply him for information using feminine wiles.” Ostron: Yes? Ryu: I’m not really comfortable with what you’re implying here. Ostron: You’ve done that sort of thing before. Ryu: Because it was legitimately necessary! I’m a rogue! They’re the captain of the guard for an actual lich king. What’s wrong with torture? Ostron: I’m assuming…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Twenty Four on 24th June 2020. Killer DM: They want to be happier in life, so they’re given an object that permanently curses them with Tasha’s Hideous Laughter. Ostron: Umm…Fae. Killer DM: Ugh. You know when I play games with ROSTRO I get a lot more enjoyment out of it. Ostron: Hey! I know that tone; You promised. Killer DM: Yes, yes, fine, let’s move on to the next one. Lennon: Um…so I have multiple questions. Killer DM: Lennon! Great, come join in the fun. Lennon: I’m pretty sure your definition of “fun” doesn’t conform to most rational beings’ interpretations. Also it worries me that Ostron is wearing plate mail to participate in this “fun.” Killer DM: Well speaking of definitions I saw this old movie, Ghostbusters, and I had the wrong idea of what they meant by “buster” but anyway there’s this scene in the beginning that looked like great fun, so…

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