Category Archives: Wisdom of the Masters

This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Twenty Four on 24th June 2020. Killer DM: They want to be happier in life, so they’re given an object that permanently curses them with Tasha’s Hideous Laughter. Ostron: Umm…Fae. Killer DM: Ugh. You know when I play games with ROSTRO I get a lot more enjoyment out of it. Ostron: Hey! I know that tone; You promised. Killer DM: Yes, yes, fine, let’s move on to the next one. Lennon: Um…so I have multiple questions. Killer DM: Lennon! Great, come join in the fun. Lennon: I’m pretty sure your definition of “fun” doesn’t conform to most rational beings’ interpretations. Also it worries me that Ostron is wearing plate mail to participate in this “fun.” Killer DM: Well speaking of definitions I saw this old movie, Ghostbusters, and I had the wrong idea of what they meant by “buster” but anyway there’s this scene in the beginning that looked like great fun, so…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Twenty Three on 17th June 2020. Ryu: Why are you making that face? Lennon: Well…once again I was sort of expecting a certain someone to show up for the discussion. Ryu: I asked her, but when she said she’d only bother if she was allowed to give an object lesson in how tricky contracts work using you and Ostron I figured it might be better to leave her out of it. Ostron: Although it might have been interesting to see her expression if I asked for indestructible and non-removable kidneys. Ryu: And what about your expression when she turns your kidneys into solid lumps of adamantine? Lennon: Which brings us neatly into the topic in our notes. In the D&D world, there are several methods for mere mortals to gain access to quazi-godlike supernatural assistance beyond hoping their resident cleric is very skilled at rolling a d100. Unlike the deities…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Nineteen on 20th May 2020. Killer DM: Come on, it’s only a small horde. Ryu: Of gnolls! KayDee they’re new! *Goblins* are a problem for them. Killer DM: Throwing someone in the deep end so they learn to swim builds character. Ryu: No, no in this case it kills characters. All of them. Lennon: It still completely unnerves me when you do that. Killer DM: Well fear not limey, I’m done here. Ryu simply refuses to listen to my suggestions. Lennon: I’m okay with that, I think. Suggestions about what? Ryu: What kind of combat to run for the new players. Ostron: You asked the KDM for help with that? Ryu: I didn’t ask so much as she volunteered, but I knew it was a bad idea. While character creation and leveling up can have a host of mechanics and terms that confuse new players, when it comes to actually playing the game, combat…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Fourteen on 15th April 2020. Ostron: Well, I’m officially out of spell slots. And I’m going to be mumbling the incantation for water breathing in my sleep now. RaeRae: Did anyone actually double check that the gnome was the only one who could fix Lennon’s bike? Ostron: What, you think he made that up? RaeRae: I just, you know, find it hard to believe he made Lennon to go get him a bunch of meteoric iron. At the bottom of a lake. With nesting Hydras. I do this for him after he nearly breaks my scrying pool. He’s lucky it was his birthday. Ostron: Well the gnome finally welded everything together, though why Lennon needs a wind gauge on his bike is beyond me. Ryu: Most of Lennon’s reasoning is beyond us, honestly. (silence) Ryu: So what do we do now? RaeRae: I’ve heard of this great chain of islands everyone’s been…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Thirteen on 1st April 2020. Ostron: I thought you said this wasn’t ever going to happen?  Ryu: Yeah, I did, but then he taught me some stuff about Thieves’ Cant and here we are. Ostron: I thought you already knew Thieves’ Cant? Ryu: Hmm? Oh, uh, yeah. I meant I taught him. He definitely didn’t teach me. Nope. I mean, can you imagine it? Me, a rogue, who doesn’t know Thieves’ Cant? Ostron: Yeah, that’s highly unlikely, statistically speaking Ryu: Anyway, stuff and things, here we are. No! Peaches, stay.  (grumbling sound) Ryu: Yes, you can play with KayDee’s nightmare after, I just need you to stay.  Lennon: Okay! Bike is all set, helmet’s on, let’s do this.  Ryu: Um, Lennon? You have to start up at Peaches’ head.  Lennon: Right. Ladder?  Ryu: With a bicycle? Ostron: Did you plan this out at all beyond “Use Peaches as a bike ramp?”  Lennon: What for? I mean,…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Eleven on 18th March 2020. Killer DM (drawn out and threatening): Oh Lennon… Lennon: No! Killer DM: No? Lennon: Yes? What answer keeps me alive? Killer DM: Oh we’re way past that point, but before I start showing you what your own spleen looks like, I was just curious why you tried to issue a notice saying Ryu shouldn’t be associating with me for the foreseeable future? Lennon: Well…Ostron’s doing his research on infections and he recommended everyone avoid spending time in close proximity to other people…so… Killer DM: So you decided now was a good time to attempt an underhanded ban on having me around. I can actually respect that; it has a deviousness I appreciate. Lennon: It’s not a ban it’s just…you know…until Ostron’s done with his research. Killer DM: Oh, that’s fine then. (Loud pounding on a heavy door) Ostron: What do you-ghaaah! Why- Killer DM: Are you done with your research?…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode Ninety Eight on 27th November 2019. Mikey: Okay what about this one … Lennon: No, that’s still not quite right Mikey: This one? Lennon: Close… but it doesn’t quite capture the essence of “Asmodeus is trying to destroy the world”, you know? Ryu: Mikey? Is that you? What are you two cooking up this time? Lennon: I’m trying to work with Mikey to find the exact sound that describes my campaign, like you said. Ryu: And once again your grasp of the English language amazes me. We’re talking about the *emotional* tone of the game, not sound. Ostron: Although music can help with that a bit. Mikey: Right, I’m done here. Lennon: But…fine, so what did you two want to talk about? Every time you run a campaign, or even a one-shot, discussing with the table what the tone for the game is, is a very important topic.  Players may have a number of different expectations…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode Ninety Six on 13th November 2019. Killer DM: Mmmmm that felt almost too good. Lennon: I don’t think I want to know Killer DM: Of course you do, Lennon; we both know you’re constantly living vicariously through me and loving every minute of it. Lennon: I’m really not. Killer DM: Well keep lying to yourself then, but I just managed to get a TPK without any work at all. Ostron: Well, you are a big fan of the random rock fall. Killer DM: Oh no, it’s even better than that; the party killed each other! PvP combat in fifth edition is so easy and it’s great! Lennon: That’s…one perspective At some point, either through studying the rules, being the victim of a dominate person spell, or just noting how area effect spells work, players will invariably notice they’re fully capable of injuring their teammates in the same way they can with all the various…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode Ninety Five on 6th November 2019. Lennon: So, what do you think would happen if I tried to make some modifications to ROSTRO? Ryu: I think KayDee would probably harvest all your organs and then stuff you into it. You know how she is about that thing.  Lennon: As with most subjects where she’s involved, I try not to think about it.  Ryu: Why do you want to fiddle around with that monstrosity anyway?  Lennon: I was hoping to figure out a better way to get magic items made. The regular process is just…ugh.  Ryu: I would have thought Ostron looked into that with all the time he spends in the workshop. Hey Ostron?  Ostron: Yeah?  Ryu: Making magic items?  Ostron: Ugggh Ryu: Wow, okay, I didn’t realize this was that much of a thing.  Lennon: Oh let me tell you … While it isn’t a staple of many tabletop RPG systems, players and DMs more familiar…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode Eighty on 17th July 2019. Mikey: Oh thank goodness. Given the topic I thought the Killer DM was going to be here again. She always seems to show up when I come out of the cave.  Ostron: How bad was this fight? Does this mean you put the hat away for good?  Ryu: What? No! We patched things up days ago. This time she’s just sitting out from contempt. How did she put it?  Killer DM: If other DMs don’t know how to keep their best characters alive that’s not my problem. They should just call me in to help.  Ostron: I’ve been halfway tempted.  Mikey: You can’t be serious.  Ostron: No, really. Half the time it seems like when I introduce a villain in a campaign, they end up dead before they’ve finished their name, never mind trying any sort of villain monologue.  Mikey: Well, that comes down to how you…

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