Gnomish Workshop: Drop Your Weapons!
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Ninety Six on 19th January 2022. Killer DM: All right numbers man, it’s nap time, I need… (pause) Killer DM (with a hint of concern): Ah dear. I don’t remember you sitting in on one of my games, what happened to you? Ostron: Um…bar fight. Killer DM: Hey! You! Lawyer person! Get in here. Tony (slightly disturbed): Um, hi, the name’s actually “Tony”, and…oh man. Why are you calling me? I’m not a cleric! You have one of those on staff. Killer DM: Well that’s what you do, isn’t it? When someone gets hurt, the first thing you do is call a lawyer and they tell you where your money’s going to come from. Tony: Okay that’s…a gross misrepresentation of my job, to begin with. Also you don’t call the lawyer before the medical professionals. Killer DM: Oh I’m calling it here, he’s clearly too far gone to save.…
Archives of Candlekeep: Where Are The Duergar?
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Ninety Five on 12th January 2022. Ryu (gasping): Ahh that stings! Libby: Book. Ryu: Yes I know this isn’t your normal job but I didn’t want the other guys to know. Libby (worried): Book. Ryu: No, you’re doing fine, really. I think I got scratched in more places than I realized. Libby (really worried): Book! Ryu: What is the problem – oh drat. Ostron: Wow, okay, I usually have the book before I even make it across the threshold. You feeling okay…Libby? Ryu: This isn’t what it looks like. Ostron: It looks like you have Libby helping you with surgery. Lennon: Hey did you find that map of-…okay, you do know we don’t pay Gath just to hang around and look pretty right? Ryu: I just…was hoping to avoid this conversation. Ostron: So you decided having Libby give you medical assistance was your best option? Libby (indignantly): Book! Lennon: Look, no offense mate, but it’s not exactly…
Gnomish Workshop: Senses and Sensibility
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Ninety Three on 22nd December 2021. Killer DM: All right, up you get. Ostron: Uggh. First, why are you here, second, why did you knock me out? Killer DM: Because I needed you alive. Note the past tense there; you’re going to have to keep proving your usefulness from here on. Lennon: All right, it’s been three hours and we need Ostron awake…which he is? I thought you were talking to ROSTRO? Killer DM: …We had a fight. Lennon (wonderingly): Oh my goodness what’s that even like? Ostron: Oh did you break the machine? You know how long I worked on that? Killer DM: It’s fine. It is possible to have disagreements without resorting to violence, you know. Killer DM (after a pause): What? Lennon: I’m just…adding another entry into the list of ‘things I was not expecting this morning’. Ostron: What did you even need ROSTRO for, anyway? Killer DM: Well I want to…
Archives of Candlekeep: Excursion to Exandria
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Ninety One on 8th December 2021. (coin flip followed by eldritch blast) Lennon: Ha! My aim is improving. They better watch out when I show up. Ryu: Lennon. Why are you eldritch blasting coins? I mean, if you want to keep me from stealing them I suppose that’s one way to do it but it seems expensive. Lennon: No, see, I’m preparing for our trip to Exandria. Ostron: Don’t- Ryu: How is that supposed to help with Exandria? Ostron (sighing): Here we go. Lennon: Well, I read up on it like Ostron told us to and I heard it was infested with critters. So I figured I can practice aiming at small moving targets and hire myself out as an exterminator to make back all the money I’m using for target practice. Ostron: …What? Don’t look at me, you asked. Ryu: So he just saw the bit about the critters and…
Archives of Candlekeep: Mystara/Blackmoor
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Eighty Nine on 17th November 2021. Lennon: Um, Ostron? Ostron: It was always that color, you’re just misremembering. Lennon: You know, someday I’m going to actually know what you’re talking about when you say things like that, and I’m not sure if that’s going to be better or worse. Ryu: Something I can help with? Lennon: I don’t know, how much do you know about planets with two suns? Ryu: Um…I’ve heard of them. Lennon: And one of the suns is inside the planet. Ryu: Okay, that’s a new one on me. Is this a Spelljammer thing? Didn’t Ostron say that kind of thing happens in Spelljammer? Ostron: Yes, but if it’s what I think then we’re talking about the wonderful, happy time before Spelljammer was even a thing and D&D players weren’t afraid of math. Let me see that map. Lennon: I want to go on record saying that is not a…
Wisdom of the Masters: Intelligent Villains
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Eighty Eight on 10th November 2021. Lennon: Okay, so I don’t think Acererak needs gold…his house is already pretty impressive… Ryu: What are you doing? Lennon: Oh don’t bother; you can’t help me. Ostron: Well I’m still not opening a portal to the nine hells for you so you may as well see what she’s got to offer. Ryu: Standing right here guys. Lennon: Fine. I’m trying to figure out how to DM and roleplay the big bad for my campaign. They’re supposed to be super intelligent and I’m…less so. Ryu: Are you saying I’m too dumb to help? Lennon: No, but I mean if you need to DM an evil person you just put on the hat and stop worrying about it. Ryu” Well as much as I love her, KayDee sometimes is…less gentle with people than I’d prefer. I have to DM evil masterminds just as much as you do.…
Unearthed Mundana: New Books
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Eighty Five on 13th October 2021. Wizards of the Coast released their 3rd edition of Dungeons and Dragons in the year 2000. Many people believe the release was an effort by Wizards to put their stamp on the brand after they acquired TSR in 1997. As such, 3rd edition was a rather extreme overhaul of D&D at a mechanics level. Many people are familiar with the fact that 3rd edition introduced the so-called d20 system, which Wizards then distributed through the Open Gaming License. In short, the d20 system meant nearly every decision or action made as part of the game was decided based on the roll of a 20-sided die. Previously in 2nd edition, while d20s were still used in some rolls, you had percentile dice and others involved in decisions just as often. Switching over from a multi-die…
Unearthed Mundana: Ahoy the House
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Eighty Four on 6th October 2021. Ryu (with maternal authority): Lennon! Lennon: …yes? Ryu: I know you’re not trying to pickpocket from me, are you? Lennon (sighing): I… I thought I was getting better at this. Ryu: As you keep reminding everyone, your Charisma score went up when you became a Warlock. I think your Dexterity is still what? Twelve? Lennon: …ten. Ryu: Okay, yeah, so why did you think you were going to steal my coin purse? It’s next to the hat, by the way, so good luck if you happen to grab that by mistake. Lennon: Why do you have the- okay one thing at a time. Firstly, that coin purse was mine in the first place; secondly in the Feywild they like to steal things. Well, some of the beings there do, the rest of them have…different greetings. Ostron: Wait, they steal things as a greeting? Lennon: Yeah, I don’t…
Archives of Candlekeep: I’m So Pretty
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Eighty Three on 29th September 2021. Lennon: Ryu, come on, we already talked about this. Ryu: When? Ostron: Back when we covered all the dragons, or did a summary anyway. We explicitly called out the gem dragons. Ryu: We talked about them for a grand total of maybe two minutes! Do you know how criminally short that is? Ostron: Still, we did talk about them. Ryu (disappointed): All right, well, I told KayDee that you guys wouldn’t be able to go over her notes on how to skin various creatures to preserve their hides because I was going to talk about dragons, but if we’re not going to do that… (a pause) Lennon: …You’re bluffing. Ryu: Try me. Ostron: I owe Gath too many favors…and a lot of diamonds. Lennon: Fine. R (squeeing): So as everyone knows, you can’t have Dungeons and Dragons without dragons, and you can’t have dragons without having more dragons.…
Gnomish Workshop: People Building
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Eighty Two on 22nd September 2021. (Sound of grinding gears) Ryu: What is he doing in there? Lennon: Maybe he’s upgrading ROSTRO? ROSTRO: If you are interested, my processing faculties were largely taken up with an analysis of persona synthesis and optimal configuration techniques of same. Ryu: If we don’t take an interest, is Ostron going to wake up? ROSTRO: Probability suggests it is not a likely outcome. Lennon: Ugh, fine, what are you on about this time? (The screen powers on) When creating new characters for a campaign or a one-shot, a frequent point that gives both players and DMs pause is the issue of ability scores. There is often a lot of thinking and wrangling about what statistics to put scores in, but before people can even get there everyone has to decide what scores are being used in the first place. Now for a lot…