Gnomish Workshop: Pierce de Resistance
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Ninety Nine on 9th February 2022. Gnomish Workshop door opening Ryu: What are you doing!? Lennon: Gah! Um…this isn’t what it looks like ROSTRO: Please state the nature of the mathematical inquiry Lennon: No, no, you’re already working on mine. ROSTRO: The assumption that my processing capabilities are limited to a single focus is erroneous. Ryu: I thought you were on my side here!? Lennon: Um…well I mean I came in here to ask Ostron a question and he…well he dropped off pretty quick actually, and the machine just started giving me some useful information… Ryu: Ever heard of “fruit of the poisonous tree”? Lennon: Look I was trying to figure out my spells, okay? I seem to be stuck with this Warlock thing so I may as well make the best of it. Are *you* going to help me choose what the most efficient…
Archives of Candlekeep: Colors of Chaos – The Slaad
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Ninety Seven on 26th January 2022. Ryu: Well at least you’re reading a book and the machine isn’t humming. Ostron: What? Ryu: Never mind, what are you researching? Ostron: Infestations. Ryu: Oh come on, again? Lennon already got rid of the mimics! The Mimic: And a bang-up job he did, too! Ostron: Yes, yes, we’re all very impressed. No, this is a much less pleasant infestation. Slaadi. Lennon: Well thank you for being impressed with me, but what did I do? Ryu: You got rid of the mimics, like we just said. Apparently you have to get rid of…somebody? Somebodies? Ostron: Slaad. Plural is slaadi. Lennon: And all of it is “no thank you.” Ostron, feel free to take this one. Ostron: Ugh, there isn’t a Slaad infestation in the guild house! I’m just trying to be prepared. Lennon: You’re expecting an infestation in the guild house? Ostron: Well you can’t really tell with them; that’s kind of…
Heroes Rise, one hundred ninety-seventh entry: These Aren’t The Drow You’re Looking For
Welcome, brave adventurers … to the one hundred ninety-seventh entry into our chronicle, recorded on Saturday, January 22nd, and released Wednesday, January 26th over at heroesrisepodcast.com.
Heroes Rise, one hundred ninety-sixth entry: Improvised Creature Leaks
Welcome, brave adventurers … to the one hundred ninety-sixth entry into our chronicle, recorded on Saturday, January 15th, and released Wednesday, January 19th over at heroesrisepodcast.com.
Gnomish Workshop: Drop Your Weapons!
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Ninety Six on 19th January 2022. Killer DM: All right numbers man, it’s nap time, I need… (pause) Killer DM (with a hint of concern): Ah dear. I don’t remember you sitting in on one of my games, what happened to you? Ostron: Um…bar fight. Killer DM: Hey! You! Lawyer person! Get in here. Tony (slightly disturbed): Um, hi, the name’s actually “Tony”, and…oh man. Why are you calling me? I’m not a cleric! You have one of those on staff. Killer DM: Well that’s what you do, isn’t it? When someone gets hurt, the first thing you do is call a lawyer and they tell you where your money’s going to come from. Tony: Okay that’s…a gross misrepresentation of my job, to begin with. Also you don’t call the lawyer before the medical professionals. Killer DM: Oh I’m calling it here, he’s clearly too far gone to save.…
Heroes Rise, one hundred ninety-fifth entry: This Is Useless
Welcome, brave adventurers … to the one hundred ninety-fifth entry into our chronicle, recorded on Saturday, January 8th, and released Wednesday, January 12th over at heroesrisepodcast.com.
Archives of Candlekeep: Where Are The Duergar?
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Ninety Five on 12th January 2022. Ryu (gasping): Ahh that stings! Libby: Book. Ryu: Yes I know this isn’t your normal job but I didn’t want the other guys to know. Libby (worried): Book. Ryu: No, you’re doing fine, really. I think I got scratched in more places than I realized. Libby (really worried): Book! Ryu: What is the problem – oh drat. Ostron: Wow, okay, I usually have the book before I even make it across the threshold. You feeling okay…Libby? Ryu: This isn’t what it looks like. Ostron: It looks like you have Libby helping you with surgery. Lennon: Hey did you find that map of-…okay, you do know we don’t pay Gath just to hang around and look pretty right? Ryu: I just…was hoping to avoid this conversation. Ostron: So you decided having Libby give you medical assistance was your best option? Libby (indignantly): Book! Lennon: Look, no offense mate, but it’s not exactly…
Heroes Rise, one hundred ninety-fourth entry: Ermagerd! Dregernbern!
Welcome, brave adventurers … to the one hundred ninety-fourth entry into our chronicle, recorded on Saturday, January 1st, and released Wednesday, January 5th over at heroesrisepodcast.com.
Archives of Candlekeep: No, My Mother Did Not Hook Up With a Dragon: Dragonborn
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Ninety Four on 5th January 2022. Lennon (through sending stone, angry voices in background): Ostron? Ostron! Oh please don’t let ROSTRO be active and he’s out on the floor- Ostron: Yes, I’m here, what’s going…you’re being chased, aren’t you? Lennon: How did you know that? Ostron: I can hear them. All right, where are you? Lennon: Tim-ah-ree, I think it’s called? Time of weee? No, that doesn’t sound right-ow! That was a rock! Ostron: Thymari? Okay, that’s the name of the people, not the place but I know where you are. How did you get there? Lennon: I’ll tell you if you get me out of here! Ostron: Yeah, yeah, hang on. (Gnomish Workshop door opens) Ryu: What’s going on? Ostron: Lennon went abroad and made friends again. Ryu: Oh come on! I already used up all our favors with the Blackstaff, how many wars did he start this time? Ostron: Based on where he…
Gnomish Workshop: Senses and Sensibility
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Ninety Three on 22nd December 2021. Killer DM: All right, up you get. Ostron: Uggh. First, why are you here, second, why did you knock me out? Killer DM: Because I needed you alive. Note the past tense there; you’re going to have to keep proving your usefulness from here on. Lennon: All right, it’s been three hours and we need Ostron awake…which he is? I thought you were talking to ROSTRO? Killer DM: …We had a fight. Lennon (wonderingly): Oh my goodness what’s that even like? Ostron: Oh did you break the machine? You know how long I worked on that? Killer DM: It’s fine. It is possible to have disagreements without resorting to violence, you know. Killer DM (after a pause): What? Lennon: I’m just…adding another entry into the list of ‘things I was not expecting this morning’. Ostron: What did you even need ROSTRO for, anyway? Killer DM: Well I want to…