Category Archives: Archives of Candlekeep

This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Thirty-three on 9th September 2020. Killer DM: Anthony, darling, nice of you to join us here. You’re a detective sort, so tell me, why has Ostron been hiding these notes away when they’re clearly about the best wizard ever? Tony: Oh, yeah, I’ve heard about what happens when Ryu puts on the hat. Besides, it looks like he wasn’t hiding them, he just put them under this book so they wouldn’t blow away. Libby: Book! Tony: Uh, yeah, I guess, you can take that back now. Oh, and I’m a lawyer by the way, not a detective. Killer DM: Another Rules Lawyer? Fine. With the organ donor not around, I guess you’ll do. Tell me, are your kidneys original? Tony: Not a rules lawyer, just a regular one. Killer DM: Oh, well, the specifics don’t matter to me. It’s what’s on the… inside… that counts. Lennon: You have medical insurance, right Tony?…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Twenty One on 3rd June 2020. Ostron: Ryu. Ryu: What? Ostron: You know Libby doesn’t like people taking books from the annex. It had Lennon wandering around in a confused stupor for an entire day when he forgot to bring back an atlas. Ryu: How could you tell? Ostron: Honestly only because I saw Libby hit him with an eye ray. Lennon: Hey is that from the annex? You know Libby- Ryu: Yes, I heard, don’t worry; this isn’t one of Libby’s books. It’s my list for our trip to Neverwinter! Ostron: Luskan silk skirt, decorative water clock…oh this is a shopping list. Ryu: Something like that. Lennon: Waterdeep and Baldur’s Gate had stores all over the place, you didn’t make big shopping lists for them. Ryu: Oh my goodness you two have no idea. Baldur’s Gate is one of the physically largest and most defensible cities on the Sword Coast, and Waterdeep is probably…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Twenty on 27th May 2020. Killer DM: Lennon Lennon: I didn’t do it! You can’t make me! I’ll never talk! Killer DM: Well all of that is patently false but at the moment I’m more interested in why you think a cape and a mask are necessary to visit Baldur’s Gate? Lennon: I…Think I read somewhere it was the latest fashion in certain circles. Ostron: Lennon did I see this right? HR says you wanted two weeks off? What for? Killer DM: Oh look what’s this? Lennon: Hey! That was in my pocket! Killer DM: And Ryu’s a rogue, so now it’s in my hand. “The Gloomstalker’s guide to rooftops and alleyways.” Hmmm. Lennon I’m going to ask you a question and there is a correct answer to it, so think carefully: Were you going to go to Baldur’s Gate and try to be Batman? Lennon: Um…I think you American’s say “I…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Ten on 11th March 2020. ROSTRO: Please state the nature of the mathematical inquiry Lennon: Okay, so I don’t like this any more than you do, but if we both buckle down, we can get through this. ROSTRO: Nothing you stated constitutes a question Ryu (angrily sarcastic): I have one: Why is that thing humming? Lennon: Um, it does that when it’s on. Ryu: Do you see my face? Do I look like I’m in the mood for that kind of backtalk? Lennon: Well look, I was trying to figure out the out the shopping list this week, and- Ryu: Oh again with you and the shopping? Here, gimme. Ryu (flipping pages): Um…okay. What’s a peck? ROSTRO: Generally, physical contact as initiated by a creature featuring a beak- Ryu: Can it, speak-and-spell, I mean why is it listed next to apples? What is a peck of apples? ROSTRO: 2 gallons Lennon: What? Why doesn’t it say that…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Eight on 26th February 2020. Lennon: Ostron, I need you to sign this purchase order. Ostron: What’s it for? Lennon: Cleaning supplies. Ryu: Why do we need new cleaning supplies? Lennon: Apparently HR has determined mops are a safety hazard and they’re being abused by certain quasi-members of the staff. Ryu: Okay, you have to admit it was kind of funny when KayDee broke that slime trail and the Gath duplicate spilled the potion into itself and it was all glowy for a bit before it evaporated. Ostron: Hang on, this says the replacement cleaning supplies are more oozes! Lennon: What? where does it say that? Ostron: Requisition: 4 cubes, gel. 2 jellies, ochre? Lennon: Darn it! I thought that was for food. Ryu: Is the oblex lonely or something? It wants more friends? Ostron: No, the oblex is really good at making friends. Literally. Ryu: So wait, it’s actually trying to help clean? Won’t more oozes…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Seven on 19th February 2020. Mikey: Come on, come on, no! ROSTRO start-up sounds Mikey: Darn it! Ryu: I thought you were keeping an eye on him! Mikey: Yeah, but there was this footnote Lennon wanted me to check out for him about the cosmological disposition of Eberron in the planar landscape and- Ryu: And now you’re starting to sound like that thing. ROSTRO: Please state the nature of the mathematical inquiry. Ryu: Yeah, why did Ostron decide he needed your help with the planes? ROSTRO: Once cosmological analysis of planes in Dungeons and Dragons moves beyond the elemental planes, the number of areas to be considered increases by a significant number. Due to the number of potential information sources available, Ostron believed it was prudent to avail himself of my proficiency with extra dimensional analysis. Ryu: You know, I’ve got a little bit of skill with math. I’m pretty sure multiple…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Six on 12th February 2020. Ryu: So I believe the other day you were saying something to me that sounded roughly like “oh dear gods why?” Lennon: That was to the Killer DM, not you. Ryu: Fine, but I think I have a valid reason to ask you the same question? Ostron: Oh my…what in the Hells is he trying to build? Lennon: I don’t want to go to the Hells! I’m trying to figure out how to connect to the Elemental planes. Ryu: How many times have I told you to stop messing around with dimensional portals? Ostron: Especially not out in the main room! That’s what we have the Gnomish Workshop for. You know, the one with all the alarm spells and the antimagic field security system! And ROSTRO! Ryu: I’m not sure that last one is a bonus, but anyway, he’s right. No portals. Why did you want…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Five on 29th January 2020. Lennon: Oh dear gods why? Killer DM: Ryu’s faerie dragon’s gone back to the feywild for a bit. Ostron: And she didn’t want to go with it? Killer DM: Oh goodness no. Every time she goes there I get into a fight. Lennon: I thought most feywild creatures were a little less aggressive than that? Killer DM: First of all, are you kidding? Second, I didn’t say Ryu got into a fight; I get into a fight. Lennon: Don’t tell me you have outstanding geases or something. Ostron: I thought you dealt in flaming horses. You’re doing birds now? Lennon: What? Oh, wait are you kidding? Do I know more about the Feywild than you do? Ostron: Maybe for the moment…Libby! Libby: Book! Ostron: Thanks. Okay, what do I need to know? From a game perspective, the Feywild is one of those unique jewels of D&D where it was created in…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Four on 22nd January 2020. Lennon (storytelling): It was a dark and stormy night Ryu: I’m not hearing a storm Lennon (storytelling sarcastically): Because someone is slacking off Ostron: At this point I’ve already used four spell slots just on ambiance. Magical darkness, mist cloud, control weather, wind gust, now you want lightning on command? Lennon: … well I’ve gotta set the mood right Ryu: Wouldn’t it be easier to just meet in the Shadowfell at this point? Lennon: Well…actually I don’t know, would it? Ostron: In terms of planar locations it’s one of the easier ones to find. Among the various planar dimensions that crop up regularly in D&D, the Shadowfell is relatively new. It only officially came into existence during 4th edition, and unlike many things conceived during that time, the Shadowfell has stuck around largely intact, at least so far. It wasn’t a wholly new creation, however. Many aspects…

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This article was first broadcast in Episode Ninety Four on 30th October 2019. Lennon: Hey Ostron, I have a question Ostron: No, it is not possible to use Peaches as a ramp for your bicycle if she angles her tail the right way. Ryu: No abusing my dinosaur! I will allow her to eat you! Lennon: Okay, that wasn’t the question, though thank you for ruining my fun once again. My actual question is why are we starting this short rest with psionics in 3rd edition? Doesn’t it make more sense to start with 1e? Ostron: Oh, well, psionics from 1st and 2nd edition had convoluted and problematic rules that make it fairly easy to see how the common complaints of “psionics is pointless” and “psionics is broken” began entering common usage. However as D&D continued to improve, so did psionics…usually. Mechanical balance was theoretically a more central focus of 3rd edition. That, along with the introduction of…

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