Gnomish Workshop: Senses and Sensibility
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Ninety Three on 22nd December 2021. Killer DM: All right, up you get. Ostron: Uggh. First, why are you here, second, why did you knock me out? Killer DM: Because I needed you alive. Note the past tense there; you’re going to have to keep proving your usefulness from here on. Lennon: All right, it’s been three hours and we need Ostron awake…which he is? I thought you were talking to ROSTRO? Killer DM: …We had a fight. Lennon (wonderingly): Oh my goodness what’s that even like? Ostron: Oh did you break the machine? You know how long I worked on that? Killer DM: It’s fine. It is possible to have disagreements without resorting to violence, you know. Killer DM (after a pause): What? Lennon: I’m just…adding another entry into the list of ‘things I was not expecting this morning’. Ostron: What did you even need ROSTRO for, anyway? Killer DM: Well I want to…
Gnomish Workshop: People Building
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Eighty Two on 22nd September 2021. (Sound of grinding gears) Ryu: What is he doing in there? Lennon: Maybe he’s upgrading ROSTRO? ROSTRO: If you are interested, my processing faculties were largely taken up with an analysis of persona synthesis and optimal configuration techniques of same. Ryu: If we don’t take an interest, is Ostron going to wake up? ROSTRO: Probability suggests it is not a likely outcome. Lennon: Ugh, fine, what are you on about this time? (The screen powers on) When creating new characters for a campaign or a one-shot, a frequent point that gives both players and DMs pause is the issue of ability scores. There is often a lot of thinking and wrangling about what statistics to put scores in, but before people can even get there everyone has to decide what scores are being used in the first place. Now for a lot…
Adventurer’s Journal: Time for a New Look
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Seventy Nine on 1 September 2021. Lennon (groaning painfully): Okay…chair…nice chair…ohh – except it’s not padded. At least it’s not a mimic. The Mimic: One in six chance…should have listened when that machine was talking. Ryu: What, you’re talking to yourself now? Lennon: It’s not…you know what, I don’t even care anymore. Ostron: What happened to you? Lennon: I was talking to RaeRae and I asked her why she didn’t choose to be a Moon Druid because otherwise she can never turn into any useful animals. Ryu: Oh boy. I imagine her staff of troll smiting was part of the chat after that? Lennon: I don’t think I’ll be sitting right for a while. I don’t feel I deserved it though. Ostron: Why’s that? Lennon: Well, I mean I was right! The other druids all end up becoming casters, they can’t get any really powerful creature forms. Ryu: You haven’t actually worked with many…
Gnomish Workshop: Living on the Edge (of Unconsciousness)
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Seventy Eight on 25 August 2021. (Gnomish workshop door opens) Lennon (in obnoxious good mood): Hi anyone here? ROSTRO: Please state the nature of the mathematical inquiry. Killer DM: Oh good! Lennon, maybe you can help with something. Lennon (still in plastic good mood): Bye, I need to go dive in a gelatinous cube! Killer DM: So when I said “maybe you can help” what I actually meant was “get your pasty bald self in here, you’re helping.” Lennon: Look, my Charisma increased as a warlock, I still can’t help installing things in the machine. ROSTRO: My physical chassis does not require any modification at this time. The Killer DM wishes to delve more into the subject of unconsciousness. Lennon: Ohhhh I get to help with that? I’m pretty sure I still have enough of a strength score to swing a chair. Killer DM: Mmmm, better be careful which chair you…
Gnomish Workshop: Need Heals, where’s the … Druid?
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Seventy One on 30 June 2021. Ostron: Ugh…Is Gath around? Lennon: Oh, man what happened? Did Cinder get too rough during playtime? Ostron: No, because unlike some people I don’t make a habit of teasing the large jungle cat. I was trying to drag a chair into the Candlekeep Annex and it must have a split edge or a splinter or something. Lennon: Are you sure? That looks more like a bite to me. Ryu: Um, yeah, so we may have a problem. I don’t think Gath is doing healing anymore. Ostron: Not doing…that’s what we hired him for! Ryu: Well I went to his workspace and I found all these fliers for something…what’s a discretion? Ostron: Oh great he went to a conference for Clerics. What’s it about? Ryu: Well there’s a lot of hype but the tagline is “you are more than a healer” and some of the panels are…
Archives of Candlekeep: Whips of Chains Excite Me (Shadar-Kai)
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Seventy on 23 June 2021. Lennon: CHAIN DEVIL! (Eldritch Blast strikes) Ryu (surprised & angry): YA!! Lennon! Lennon: Sorry, sorry. Ryu: Oh you’re lucky I have a high Dex! How could you possibly think I was something summoned from the nine hells!? Lennon: Well the Killer DM- Ryu: Isn’t here! It’s just me! And you’re lucky. You think you’d have any better chance of hitting her? Or being alive afterward? Lennon: Well Ostron’s been opening up portals all the time, how do I know what’s going to sneak through? Ostron: Two. I opened one portal to bring in a consultant, and the other one to get Tony to sub in and you weren’t even here for that. Though that said, why are you carrying a bunch of chains around? Ryu: I think KayDee did some shopping while I wasn’t paying attention. I found this…I think it’s an outfit?…in my room. There’s a…
Gnomish Workshop: Critical Imagination: Nat 20s Out of Combat
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Sixty Nine on 16 July 2021. Tony: Oh, there you are. Ryu: Excellent! Just in time, Tony. You are now a witness to my greatest victory! Hah! ROSTRO: Please state the nature of the mathematical enquiry. Ryu: Oh come on! Tony: What is…? Oh wait a minute is this that machine that everyone complains about? ROSTRO: I am the realized oikumenatal solution to removing obfus- Ryu: Yeah, yeah, this is ROSTRO and it’s still ON! What gives? ROSTRO: There has been no applicable action perpetrated that would interfere with normal operations. Ryu: I got a 20 on my Intelligence check! You should be a pile of useless junk! Tony: Dirty? ROSTRO: My chassis is capable of repelling all common grime and- Ryu (raging): That’s not what he meant! And it was a natural 20! I win! Why are you still making sounds!? ROSTRO: I believe the fundamental issue hearkens back to a longstanding misinterpretation of the…
Gnomish Workshop: Oathbreaking
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Sixty Six on 19 May 2021. Lennon: All right, I’ve got it! Ryu: For the last time, you cannot make a flumph your patron. Lennon: No, no, no, I’ve got all that sorted. See, I’m just going to ignore my patron. Ostron: I’m sorry, what? Lennon: Yeah. See, I’ve been looking into it and, as far as I can tell, there’s no downside. Ostron: How is that possible? Your patron is why you have all your abilities. Don’t they go away? Lennon: Nope. Ryu: Well that’s not fair; Paladins and Clerics have to follow their god and everything or they get slapped, why do you get a free pass? Lennon: Actually, they don’t have to do anything either. The premise behind Clerics, Paladins, and Warlocks in lore is that their power is not their own. Where Alchemists, Wizards, eldritch knights, and arcane tricksters study to learn magic, druids and rangers draw from…
Gnomish Workshop: Rolling Initiative
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Fifty Three on 17 February 2021. Lennon: Oh good, Ostron. I have some questions for you. Ostron: I did not tell the beholders to do that to your bed, you brought that on yourself. Lennon: No, It’s fine, the squeezing effect actually helps with lumbar support when I’m sleeping. Ryu: Um…what? Lennon: No, my question’s about time. Ostron: Why are you suddenly interested in that? Lennon: Well I was in a game yesterday and there was this scene going on in the middle of a mansion with all the characters spread out. The players said they were getting confused and I thought “Should I have them roll initiative? But they aren’t in combat. Is that allowed?” Ostron (yawning): Oh…that’s…an interesting subject actually- Ryu: Here, drink this. Ostron: What is it- Ryu (hurrying): Just drink it! All of it, down the hatch. Ostron: Okay….blech, ugh (coughing) wow. Um, that was gross. What was that? And why…
Gnomish Workshop: What is a Death Spiral
This article was first broadcast in Episode One Hundred Thirty-four on 16th September 2020. Ryu: Ostron had something for us in the workshop? Lennon: Yeah, though I’m a little confused by- (ROSTRO starts up) Ryu: Oh joy, I’m going now. Lennon: No, I am not dealing with the machine on my own, come on. Ryu: Fine. Hello ROSTRO. ROSTRO: Please state the nature of the mathematical inquiry. Lennon: No, you. ROSTRO: Ostron appears to have been analyzing the nature of death spirals. Ryu: That doesn’t sound good at all. Is he okay? Do we need to get Gath in here? ROSTRO: A death spiral does not refer to any extant or lingering metabolic issue. Please refer to the output crystals as I begin. On multiple previous occasions, it has been noted that the possibility of permanent death among player characters is experientially and statistically unlikely due to the structure of the fifth edition hit point system. While arguably one of the simpler implementations…