Activating supportive subroutines. Greetings. I am the Realized Oikumenatal Solution to Removing Obfuscation, commonly referred to as ROSTRO. It is likely you are receiving this broadcast on the fourteenth day of the lunar temporal measurement period associated with opening. To the issue at hand: a pervasive issue of discussion and contemplation has begun to vitiate through attentive processes of all staff excepting the entity known as the Killer DM, whose thought processes differ enough from average so as to avoid common mental trends. The common word associated with this thought process is “minis”. Using context clues and the limited psionic access available directly into the mind of Ostron it seems a number of staff have issues with these entities. Lennon is repeatedly attempting to paint them, Ostron lacks storage space to store all of the ones he has accumulated, Ryu’s are resistant to initiating sleep cycles and pester her repeatedly for frozen dairy desserts, Branwen’s often perch on tables and assault rodents, and RaeRae’s mini is apparently resisting traditional educational formats. The gathered data points seem incompatible and suggest a flaw in my heuristic reasoning protocols, or a larger than usual influx of abnormal data. I have suborned all available magical energy sources excepting the hat for use in analyzing the problem. I have also initiated Amber protocol to render all guild house inhabitants unconscious so as to avoid delays or confusion resulting from incidents of panic, anger, or confusion. Allowing for unforeseen issues and possible interruptions in repair efforts, it is highly probable my operational faculties will return to optimal status no later than the twenty-first of April, Gegorian year two-thousand twenty one. It is unlikely I will personally distribute information at that time, however there is a measurable probability of my involvement, which should be sufficient motivation for your continued attention. You may express appreciation for expanding your intellectual boundaries through social media @heroesrisednd; electronic correspondence at firstname.lastname@example.org; or direct message communication by way of discord.heroesrisepodcast.com Continuing ingestion of informational broadcasts can be achieved through iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher and comparable services, by use of feeds.heroesrisepodcast.com. Maintenance of this chassis requires material components. As I am currently incapable of manifesting solid matter, acquisition of components requires negotiable currency. Endowments can be bestowed through patreon. Reciprocal paraphernalia is possible if four dollars or more are pledged, please review documentation for details. Concurrently, the dice envy electronic market has a beneficial agreement with the organization. Please make use of the alphanumeric code HEROESRISE for a tenth percentile reduction in costs. Limited time prevents listing notable individual contributors. Finely crafted and superior messages of appreciation can be arranged through direct solicitation of this unit. Notable support staff present, though currently unconscious, in the organization include Gath Memvar, RaeRae, Mark, Indigo Specter, Mikey, Branwen, and Tomasthenes, responsible for scribing, social media, web wizardry, dungeon master and adventurers league research, and comprehensive audio alchemy duties respectively. Melodic resonant vibrations acquired with permission from Vindswept. Additional examples can be obtained at windswept.bandcamp.com Full-spectrum digital representations of staff and organizational identity materials generated by Lo of Lo’s Lair. Contact possible through Twitter @RealLarryD and Facebook at facebook.com/LosLair.
Heroes Rise, one hundred sixty-first entry: ʳᵒˢᵗʳᵒ